Since I quit telling trip stories I've had mixed feelings about what to do with this blog. From the stats, I see that readers still trickle through here. I could take it all down and move on, but I don't feel like I've had the soul clearance to do that just yet. And so it sits.
Maybe I haven't been free to give it up because I haven't told....one more story. I've alluded to it, but I've struggled with the telling and so it never finds its way here. Today when I was typing up my notes from a recent read (Dallas Willard's Hearing God) I noted this one:
"One can find a practically endless supply of stories about people hearing God, and each is of considerable interest in its own right. I love to dwell on them myself, and I have noticed that other people rarely tire of hearing them, even when they do not entirely believe them" (63).
And in that moment of typing I realized this is exactly why I haven't been back to write that "one last story" or any others that I've got floating ......
Here's the "last story"--
The morning I was scheduled to leave Portland for Africa, I was really rattled. You can read about it here. My brain was flooded with anxiety. The plane wasn't leaving. The lady next to me was undeterred by the details of our delay and continued her night of sleep, complete with snoring. I couldn't find my driver's license after security so I frantically rummaged through my stuff (that story turned out fine). As the minutes ticked past and we weren't backing away from the gate, I was completely scrambled. Then, the snoring lady roused, leaned forward just a moment, and resettled into her zzzz's.
As she leaned forward, I glanced at the back of her t-shirt and was astounded. The bold typefaced message was for me.......
Only one person knew this angle on my story soI grabbed my phone and wrote her this note:
On Aug 3, 2010, at 6:49 AM, Jennifer Searls <> wrote:
I just had to tell you that the lady sitting next to me just leaned forward and the back of her tshirt says "prepare for rain" seriously. what are the chances???
Plane technical problems so we sit here in pdx waiting for them to figure it out.
Thx for your support and prayers. I need it
Sent from my iPhone
Prepare for Rain....It was a conversation that went back to the end of May. This dear friend had listened as I wrestled with my hopes and dreams and frustrations and disappointments. Those conversations explored a variety of theological complexities, including the story about two farmers who both needed rain, and both prayed for rain--but only one of them planted his fields in preparation for rain. Prepare for Rain.
Now, here I sat, looking at the back of what appeared to be a youth group t-shirt--"Prepare for Rain."
Considering all that I carried into that moment on the plane....."seriously. what are the chances???"
When we got off the plane and I went home later that morning, I was nearly broken. I did NOT want to go back to the airport the next morning. I wanted to "stay home where I belonged." Except....I knew I was supposed to take that trip. It was a terrible day. A difficult night. But the swirling emotions and my commitment to keep moving toward Africa were seeds in the field......
As soon as I got on the plane the next morning it started to rain. And many of those stories have been told.
God speaks to me. I can tell a lot of stories, and with Willard I can say, "I have noticed that other people rarely tire of hearing them, even when they do not entirely believe them." My small group laughs at me because I get messages on the back of t-shirts. I think my some of my stories are Fantastic, as in extravagant and at times bizarre. And sometimes they frighten me.
And so....I think I may explore that in some future posts here. The details of my Africa trip are over. But it was a magnificent experience with God and I continue to sort it out against the backdrop of my journey through this life.
