Winding, Nearly Impassable Roads

Late summer turns to fall. School supplies....teachers back in the classrooms....all the imaginations and dreams for a new year of possibilities. For the first time in five years I realize that I'm okay not being there.

After my accident, one of the first books I worked my way through was Gifts from the Broken Jar, by PJ Long. She's also a head injury survivor and her story resonates...."I don't mind so much the dumb things I say or do now, probably because they no longer represent a loss of self. Of course, I use a lot of strategies effectively to function now, and that certainly makes things better. But something else has changed too: At one time each mishap was not only embarrassing, inconvenient, or dangerous--it was also an arrow piercing the lost self I was grieving. The arrows are gone now. Maybe that's why things seem better" (218-219).

I have plenty of inconvenient stories. And I have lots of angry stories....most of the inconvenient stories are attached to angry stories. And I live with strategies that help me function effectively now--most importantly, the support of my husband and family. They knew me before. They know me now. And they help hold the pieces together. 

What does this brain injury rant have to do with my trip? It's not a straight line, but here's what I've been thinking about......

Money. I haven't told you about the piles of kwacha I got in exchange for my US dollars. A 20,000 bill in kwacha is roughly $4. I had a few 50,000 bills, but most of them were 20,000 when I left the exchange agency. That's a literal pile. 

Here's the problem. My brain can be a logistical nightmare. I don't multi-task very well because I don't have a good filter to efficiently block out unnecessary information. Relying on mental math (never a strength) to convert money and looking through piles of unfamiliar denominations to make successful transactions....these are things I rely on David to manage for me now. When we travel, he's the one who takes care of the hotel details, the flight details, the car details.....I just follow him. If I dig deep, I can do these things. But it takes A LOT of energy.

So, there I was on this crazy adventure--flying halfway around the world by myself. Being handed piles of unfamiliar money and setting off to live 10 days without my support systems in place.

And the point of this winding, nearly impassable story.....God is in the details.

I was given several financial gifts to help me make this trip. One of them came anonymously just a couple weeks before I was scheduled to fly. And it was specifically earmarked for my hotel costs while I traveled Zambia. As I tell my story I'm consistently seeing how grateful I am for the various gifts from people along the way and I see God working in the details. Because this particular gift was anonymous I can't send thanks, but I can tell the story.....

The money itself was a tremendous gift because my trip wasn't anywhere in our budget. The money was a further gift because it meant LuAnn played David's role. She checked me in and out of hotels. She told me what I owed and when. She pointed me in the right direction when I couldn't remember which room I just came out of and which room I needed to return to. She'll surely tell you how little thinking I actually do for myself and if she won't, David will. But the story is....what a gift in the details! I will be ever grateful to LuAnn for graciously keeping track of me and to my donor who got me off the detail hook without knowing it. 

It was a fabulous trip. I have no idea where my road goes from here, but for the first time in 5 years, I'm okay with staying home from school....those arrows are gone. God is in the details of the winding, nearly impassable roads......